A Twilight Princess Parody
by keehl86-jeevas87
Summary: Imagine if everyone's favorite hero was the biggest jerk on the planet who didn't care in the least about saving the world. In our little parody we completely reversed Link's personality from a sweet, kindhearted hero who never says a word into the biggest dirt bag anyone could ever meet who's just a completely uncaring, rude, perverted and hilariously sarcastic typical teenager.
1. Prologue

**_We'll start this off by saying we don't own any part of The Legend of Zelda series, including Twilight Princess. They all belong to Nintendo. We own this story, nothing more._**

**_Most of the story is told by Link himself in 1st person narration, though there will be times when it switches to other characters' point of views, and possibly 3rd person narration as well.  
_**

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**THE LEGEND OF ZELDA**

**A Twilight Princess Parody**

**By: Brett & Johnny Wolff**

**CHAPTER ONE - Prologue**

"Hey, Ordona"

"What's up Faron? You need something?"

"Yeah. Actually, I have some bad news. Hey Eldin, Lanayru"

"What is it Faron?"

"I need you two over here for a minute."

The four great light spirits of Hyrule gathered together, as the spirit Faron had dire news to share.

"Alright." Faron started. "So it appears that our destined hero of Hyrule has died on his journey."

"Wait, what? He's dead already?" Ordona asked, confused. "Didn't he just start his quest this morning?"

"And the day's not even half over yet." Eldin added.

"Tch. What a moron." Lanayru laughed. The other three glared at him. "I mean, that's terrible. So what now? Hyrule's done for if we don't find a new hero."

"Nah, really? Like we don't know that." Faron rolled his eyes.

"But who else has the true potential to save Hyrule from the King of Twilight? We can't just give this task to some random guy and expect that he won't fail and leave Hyrule screwed. This is a serious responsibility."

"Lanayru, that's exactly what you've already done. You were tasked with finding a suitable chosen one, and the random human you chose is already dead not even halfway through the day. You call that suitable?"

"That's not my fault! We were on a huge time limit because of other problems we had to deal with and I only had an hour to find someone!"

"Yeah well still, the fate of the world kinda depends on who you choose."

"Well sorry, jeez. You try working under pressure some time."

"Ugh, whatever. Anyway, luckily we still have some time to find a replacement."

"Who should it be then?"

"..." Faron grinned in thought. "You know what, I think I know just the guy who could maybe do this."

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-. ..-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

My name is Link. I hate my name, by the way. It's the stupidest name I've ever heard. Anyway, I just had the craziest adventure of my life - saving the world.

First of all, I didn't even want to save the world to begin with. I just wanted a normal life. Is that too much to ask? But every time I complained, saying _Why me? _I got the same answer every time. _It is your destiny._ Yeah, well screw you Fate.

Dammit. This just sucks. I missed out on so many things that I wish I could have been there for. That I should have been there for. But fate had to go and screw up my life. _My _life. Shouldn't I have the right to choose my own life? Tch. I guess not.

I traveled back and forth all over Hyrule a million times meeting all kinds of people, saving their asses from the dumbest situations and getting no thanks for it. Jackasses. They're such a waste of time. Who would want to save a world like that? Jeez, Hyrule is pathetic. Why did I have to get stuck with saving this place? I'm telling you, it's not worth it.

You know what, I bet Hyrule's gonna get itself in danger again any day. It's so helpless it's riduculous. The Hyrule Castle Guards are the worst out there. When I went through Castle Town as a wolf all I had to do was bark at them and they'd all run away screaming. Not to mention the time at Telma's Bar that they offered an escort to Kakariko, but once Telma mentioned the monsters roaming around Hyrule Field the cowards bailed out and left. Some soldiers. Zelda needs to fire these guys already, they're terrible at their job.

So I ended up escorting Telma, Ilia, and Prince Ralis to Kakariko myself. Dude, I got shot with so many arrows on that escort, it was a pain in the ass. What the hell, come on!

The next time Hyrule's in danger, I'm not doing a damn thing. I'm not busting my ass over this place again. Hell no. Tough luck, Hyrule. I can't do it anyway, even if I wanted to. I'm kinda stuck somewhere right now. You'll find out where and why.

So anyway, since I'm not going anywhere any time soon and I'm bored out of my damn mind, I guess I'll share my story. Don't want to listen? Well, too bad. I poured super glue in your seat before you sat in it, so you can't leave anyway. I'm stuck here, and now so are you. So I'm telling the story whether you like it or not.

It all started at Faron Spring.

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	2. How It Started

CHAPTER TWO – How It Started

"Tell me, do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls? They say it's the only time that our world intersects with theirs. The only time that you can feel the lingering regrets of spirits who have left our world. That is why loneliness always pervades the hour of twilight."

Rusl and I were sitting together along the shore of Faron Spring. The sun was setting, and I was staring into the water while Rusl was blabbing on about the 'hour of twilight' or some crap like that. I wasn't really listening. I had other things on my mind. Then I felt an elbow nudge at my shoulder.

"Link."

"What?"

"You're not listening, are you."

"Nope."

"Come on Link, why is it that every time I tell you a story you're not even listening?"

"Because. Your stories are boring."

"Ugh. You're such a handful sometimes." Rusl rolled his eyes. "Did you hear anything I said?"

"Something about loneliness and twilight."

"Yes. People sometimes feel a strange loneliness as twilight sets upon the skies. It's said to be the residual feelings of regrets of those passed."

"Sore ga, doushita? So people are sad at night. Who cares."

"Nevermind." Rusl sighed. "Anyway, I have a favor to ask you."

"What is it?"

"Well... you've never been to Hyrule, right?"

I shook my head.

"The kingdom of Hyrule is a vast and beautiful land. The view of villages, towns, rivers and mountains is absolutely breathtaking. Also, in the very center of Hyrule is Hyrule Castle, and around it is Hyrule Castle Town, a town much larger than our little village in Ordon."

Rusl propped his elbows up on his knees, and I continued to stare into the water.

"You see, the mayor asked me to deliver a gift to the Royal Family of Hyrule. But I've been thinking lately, and I think that I should let you have this task."

"Why me?" I asked.

"Well, you've been my apprentice swordsman for nearly two years now, and you've proven your skills. I'm sure you have what it takes to journey across Hyrule and face the threats along the way. It would also be good practice for you so that you can improve further. Besides, I've been across Hyrule many times. You on the other hand have never been, and I want you to experience the taste of Hyrule and the rest of the world. I've had my fun, and I think it's time you get to have your own adventure."

It was true. I'd never been outside of Ordon before. The thought of exploring Hyrule did sound interesting to me.

"It does sound kinda fun."

Rusl nodded, then stood up.

"Indeed, it is. But anyway, it's getting late. It's about time we head home now. I'll work this out with the mayor."

Rusl held out his hand and I took hold, and he pulled me to my feet. I took Epona's reins and stroked her mane, then pulled her with me as Rusl and I walked back through Faron Woods and across the bridge leading to Ordon Village. Along the walk home, my mind drifted back to what I had been thinking about all day. Ilia and I have been in a relationship for the past three years. We were both now almost in our 20s, and for a while now my feelings for Ilia have been changing.

"Hey, Link."

"Huh...?" I said, after Rusl had interrupted my thoughts.

"Is something on your mind, bud?"

"Umm... it's nothing."

"..." Rusl just shrugged. "Alright."

He kept staring curiously, so I looked up at the sky, pretending to be distracted. I want to tell Ilia how I feel, but there's just one problem. I suck at expressing my feelings. Last Christmas when we found some time to be alone together I gave Ilia a necklace that I threaded myself. She said she loved it and hasn't taken it off since, but when I tried to admit my feelings that night I blew it big time by giving her the worst compliment ever. Really I tried my best, but it came out so messed up. I don't even wanna repeat it. Ugh, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm such an idiot!

Still though, I want to tell her. I just wish I knew how. We finally reached the village and I tied Epona to her post outside my tree house, then turned around and watched as Rusl approached his wife Uli and son Colin who had both been waiting for him at the town's entrance. Rusl ruffled Colin's hair before walking into town with Uli, and Colin gave me a smile before he turned and ran to catch up with his parents. Sighing, I stroked Epona's mane before climbing the ladder up to my tree house to settle in for the night.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

"HEEEYYY!"

That was my alarm the next morning. Damn that farmer. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, then groggily dragged my feet to the window and looked down outside.

"Shut up! I heard you the first time, dammit!" I shouted, annoyed.

"Sorry partner, but it takes a couple shouts to get you up. Boy you're such a heavy sleeper I bet ya'd sleep through the whole dang apocalypse!" Fado shouted back from the ground. "Anyway bud, I need your help down at the ranch today!"

"Ugh, fine. I'll be right down."

My favorite thing to wake up to every morning. Jeez. I got dressed, then went down both ladders to the bottom floor. I considered eating something first, that is until Fado shouted at me again to hurry up. So I sighed, then walked out the door after gearing up.

"Ah, there ya are lad. So, ya mind helpin' me herd the goats? They ain't listenin' to a word I say lately."

"Lately? Seriously, that's your excuse every time. Do they ever listen to you?"

"Heh." Fado scratched the back of his neck. "Well I guess they just like ya better than me, partner."

"Right." Some farmer. "Let's get this over with."

"Well, uhh, ya might wanna find your horse first son, she seems to be missin'."

"Eh?"

Fado pointed to the post beside my house, and when I turned around and saw Epona wasn't tied to it I rolled my eyes.

"Ilia." I sighed. "I know where my horse is. I'll be back."

"Well alright then bud, I'll meetcha down at the ranch."

Fado turned around and headed back into town, and I headed down the path to Ordon Spring. When I got there, of course, there she was. I slowly walked up to the shore, then stood and watched. Ilia stroked Epona's mane, then turned and looked at me and smiled.

"Hey, Link. I washed Epona for you."

Epona whinnied, and I walked over to her and mounted up in the saddle.

"Stop stealing my car." I said, tugging the reins so that Epona turned around.

"She's a horse, Link. Not a car."

"Horse, car, transportation. What's the difference?"

Ilia rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Just go do your job, goat boy."

I just laughed and kicked Epona's sides, and we both rode off to the ranch for work.


	3. My So Called Day Off

CHAPTER THREE - My "So Called" Day Off**  
**

Today's my day off. After herding goats at the ranch yesterday Fado told me I could take today off from work. I was looking forward to a day of peace for once, but instead I woke up to a rock crashing through my window and hitting me in the face.

"Ahh!" I put my hand over my right eye, which was where the rock hit me, and sat up in bed and hissed through my teeth. "What the...!"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a rock on my floor, then I looked over at my window and saw that a portion of the glass had been smashed. I got up and walked over to my window, opened it, and looked down outside. And sure enough, those brats were standing outside my house.

"Hey Link, it's morning already! Wake up!" Talo shouted.

"What the hell Talo! It's my day off!"

"So? That doesn't mean you have to sleep all day."

"Pft. Since when are you in charge?"

"Well jeez, why so grouchy? Look, we need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, and you thought that the best way to get me up was to throw a rock through my window and hit me in the face?"

"How else would we get you up?"

"Well gee, I don't know, did you try knocking on the door?" I snapped, sarcastically.

"We did, several times. You never answered. Can you just come down here for a minute?"

"Or how 'bout you just leave me the hell alone and get lost."

"No way! I'm gonna keep nagging you all day until you come down here!"

Oh my god. Those damn kids are such a fucking headache. I slid my hand down my face, annoyed.

"Ugh, god!"

I closed my window, got dressed, and cussed in annoyance under my breath as I slid down the ladders down to my front door and went outside. I jumped to the ground from the front deck and walked up to the kids.

"Whatever this is about better be pretty damn important, because if it's not and you woke me up this damn early for nothing I'm gonna give you hell."

"It's noon, Link." Malo huffed. "You slept through the whole morning."

"I didn't ask for your snobby response you little brat." I pushed him aside. "Now what is it, Talo?"

"Alright." Talo stretched back with his arms folded behind his head. "So here's the chiz. Malo and I really want the slingshot that's for sale at the general store, but Beth's too much of a goodie goodie to sneak it out of her parents' store and let us borrow it."

"Talo, if I did that I'd get in huge trouble!" Beth retorted.

"Pft. You're such a baby Beth." Talo huffed.

"You know what Talo" Beth put her hands on her hips. "Why don't you be mature for once and pay for it yourself."

"Blah blah blah, nag nag nag. Be quiet, men are talking here." Talo turned back to me. "So anyway Link, since you're such a cool guy Malo and I were wondering if you would buy that slingshot for us. Our allowances are terrible, and you get paid way more than us when you're herding and stuff. So come on, whaddya say? Will you buy it for us?"

"Ok wait, hold on. So let me get this straight." I crossed my arms across my chest. "You woke me up on my day off, smashed my window, and made me go blind in my right eye all just so that I would buy a stupid slingshot for you."

"Yeah."

"Are you serious?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm going back to bed."

I turned around and started to walk away.

"Wait, no! C'mon Link! Please buy it for us! We really want it but we don't have enough money!"

"Not my problem."

"Oh come on! Please? Please? Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"UGHH!" I leaned my head back and groaned loudly. "God! Fine! If it'll get you to shut up!"

I sighed reluctantly and turned and headed for town. Whiny little brats.

I kicked a few rocks on the way into town, complaining to myself about my so called day off, until my thoughts were interrupted by Jaggle as I entered town.

"Mornin' Link!" Jaggle called out from atop the pillar beside the general store.

"Hey." I answered tiredly.

"The mayor's been lookin' for ya, lad. I think you should go and talk to him."

Great. More things to waste my time and ruin my day off.

"Alright, fine." I guess the slingshot will have to wait.

Either it was unusually bright out today, or my eyes just weren't adjusted to the light just yet since I did just wake up and all. Either way, I shaded my eyes from the sun with my hand as I walked through town, heading south toward the mayor's place. I crossed the bridge over the small stream and spotted the mayor standing outside his house. I approached him slowly with my thumbs hitched in my pockets.

"Well well, just the man I was looking for." Mayor Bo chuckled.

"Hey. Jaggle said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Ah yes, it's about your trip to Hyrule son. Rusl and I discussed it, and I think it's a fabulous idea."

Of course he does. Is it just me, or am I doing twice as much work as anyone else in the village? Seriously, no one ever does crap in this damn town. What the hell, why do I have to go!

"Of course you do." I huffed.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"..." The mayor raised a brow.

I stared back at him blankly. I'm pretty good at pretending I don't know what people are talking about. It's pretty useful at times.

"Umm" the mayor shrugged. "Nevermind. So, how do you feel about this task? Are you ok with all of this?"

Hell fucking no! This is so stupid, the other people in this lame town need to step up their game and stop being so damn lazy and making me have to do everything. Why is this my problem?

"Yeah, I guess." I sighed.

"Well that's good, lad. Well, I just wanted you to know that you have my approval on this task."

Waste my time like that.

"Well I appreciate it, Mayor." I lied, turning around and walking away.

"Alright lad, enjoy your day off." Mayor Bo called.

Tch, I wish. It's kinda too late for that. I headed back across the bridge and was suddenly tapped on the shoulder from behind. I turned around, and Uli was standing behind me.

"Hi Link." Uli said with a smile. "Have you got a minute?"

"Yeah I guess. What's up?"

"Oh it's nothing really, my husband just wanted me to give this to you." She handed me a fishing rod. "Here you go."

"What's this for?" I asked, taking the rod.

"Colin made that for you, with help from his father. He's been antsy to give it to you, so I'm sure he'll be pleased to know that you got it."

The rod did look kind of cheep at first glance, but once I looked at it closer I was pretty impressed with the details.

"Wow. This isn't that bad. Thanks, I'll let him know I got it."

"Ok dear. You can go back to your business, I don't want to be a bother."

"It's fine Uli, you're not. I'll see you around."

There are a few particular people that I have respect for, and others I don't because they're just annoying. I respect Uli, because she's well mannered and soft spoken, and I appreciate that because I'm annoyed by things very easily and she stays off my bad side. Plus, until I was 13 and given my own tree house she took good care of me while I was living with her and Rusl. I'm cool with Rusl too. He's taken me on as his apprentice swordsman, and he's a good mentor. He's very patient, and that's what makes him tolerable.

Colin's a good kid. He's shy and gets picked on a lot by the other kids, but I know what he's really like behind his timid behavior, and I kinda like him. He's like a little brother who wants to follow in my footsteps, and I'm ok with that. Mayor Bo I guess isn't all that bad either. He's easygoing and patient, but can be a bit strict sometimes. And then there's Ilia. To be honest, I have mixed feelings for her. It's kind of a love-hate relationship, since we were rival friends growing up, and now we're dating.

Everyone else is so annoying, I can't stand it sometimes, especially those damn kids Talo, Malo and Beth. Waking me up on my day off over a stupid slingshot. God!

So now it's off to the general store. Once I made it back through town I bumped into Hanch, who was standing outside his house throwing rocks up at the tree behind his house.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Huh?" Hanch turned around. "Oh, hey there Link. I hear you got the day off from work today, m'boy."

"What are you doing?" I asked again. It annoys the hell out of me when people don't answer my questions.

"Well I was just trying to knock down that bee hive up there in that tree. You see, today's restocking day at the store, but the wife's in a bad mood. So I thought the least I could do is get her some supplies."

Seriously, is this guy stupid?

"Yeah well I'm no expert, but I don't think bees like it when you throw rocks at their hives."

"Aw don't you worry about me laddie, I'll be fine."

"Ok man, whatever." I shrugged and walked away.

When I went into the general store I saw Sera slumped over on the counter, playing with a bottle of milk. She just stood there and swished the milk around in the bottle and sighed to herself a couple of times.

"Hey." I said, to get her attention.

It took her a couple seconds to respond, and when she did she made no eye contact.

"Oh my, it's young Link. Welcome m'dear." She then glanced in my direction, but still gave no eye contact. "Um Link, by any chance did you happen to see my little cat anywhere outside? He ate the fish we were going to have for supper last night, but after I yelled at him for it he went out and hasn't come back... I'm so worried about him, I can't think straight..."

"Yeah, that's not my problem lady. I need to by the slingshot."

"Oh my poor little kitty..."

"Umm, hello? Slingshot. Did you hear me?"

"I'm so sorry I yelled at you, please come back to me..."

"Lady come on!"

"Link please, I can't deal with that right now. I've been so worried that I've exhausted myself. Oh where is my poor little kitty, I hope he hasn't run away"

"He didn't run away, he's standing by the river behind Jaggle and Pergie's house."

"What? Why didn't you just say so? Could you please go get him for me?"

"What seriously, so I'm animal control now?" I groaned loudly. "What other ridiculous things are you people gonna make me do?"

"Fetch my sweet cat for me and you'll get your slingshot."

"Hey, you're a store clerk and it's your job to sell things to customers who give you the cash, not make them work for it."

"Look do you want the slingshot or not?"

"Ughh god!"

I turned around and left the store, steamed. What the hell, this is so stupid! Wait, what the...

"Aahhh!" Hanch ran past me, followed by a swarm of bees, and I turned around and watched as they chased him into the river, where he dove in head first. I guess he knocked down that hive.

"Dumbass." I laughed, then continued with my cat rescue mission.

I went around to the back of Jaggle and Pergie's house, and then I saw him. He was standing on the dock, staring into the water and swatting his paw across the surface every now and then. He seemed distracted enough, so I began to slowly sneak up behind him, trying to keep as quiet as possible. It was all going good until I first stepped onto the dock, when a loose board creaked slightly. The cat perked his ears, realizing my presence.

Damn! I quickly dove for it, but the stupid animal jumped out of the way, and I face planted straight into the wooden dock. Let me tell you, that hurt like hell. Then the next thing I knew I had claws latched onto my face.

"AAHH!" I screamed, rolling around on the ground trying to pry the cat off of my face. "GET OFF ME!"

The cat screeched and hissed and continued to scratch and claw at me.

"GRRAAHH!" After rolling around all over the ground I finally managed to pry the demon cat's claws out of my head, and as soon as I did I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and tossed him over the dock and straight into the water.

BAM! That cat got a face full of glass as I threw him through the back window of the general store. However the window was closed, so I had to smash him through the glass. You may think that's cruel, but hey if a demon cat scratched and clawed up your face for no damn reason you'd do the same thing right? Yes you would, don't even lie.

Anyway, as soon as I smashed him through the window Sera started screaming when he landed on her face, clinging onto her with his claws and holding on for dear life while she fell to the floor.

Ha ha ha ha! Oh my god that was so funny, I busted out laughing. Hey, that's not animal cruelty it's payback. Yeah, that's what the stupid demon cat gets.

I walked back into the general store, where Sera was staring in awe at her shattered window.

"Oh my Link, you won't believe what just happened! My cat just came crashing through the window out of nowhere!"

"Really?" I pretended to be surprised, though was laughing on the inside. "That's very weird."

Oh my god that was so hilarious. I leaned against the counter.

"Lady, we had a deal." I said, pointing at the slingshot on the shelf behind her.

"Ah yes, here you are m'dear." Sera replied, finally handing me the damn slingshot that cost me my whole morning to get. What a waste of time.

"Finally." I huffed, taking the slingshot and turning around to head for the door.

"Whoa hey, wait just a minute young man." Sera called. "You have to pay for that."

"Yeah I know, I'll pay you later." I replied, opening the door.

"Hey! You can't leave until you pay for th-!"

I shut the door before she could finish, then headed through the town gate back to my tree house.

"Oh hey there Link!" Rusl said while passing by me. "I fixed your wooden sword for ya, bud. I set it by the front door of your tree house."

"Cool, thanks." I replied, and we continued our separate ways.

"Hey, Link's back!" Talo shouted as I reached the clearing in front of my house where those stupid brats were still standing around. Talo then ran up to me, and Malo and Beth followed.

"Hey Link! Did you get the slingshot?" Talo asked excitedly.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Cool! Can we have it now?"

"Nah, I think I'll keep it."

"What!" Talo whined. "Come on, that's so not fair! You said you would buy it for me and Malo!"

"Hey kid, I never said I would give you the slingshot, did I?"

"No, but-"

"Exactly. So I'm keeping it."

"Aw c'mon Link! Why can't we have it?"

"Because this is what you get for waking me up on my day off."

I climbed the ladder up to my tree house and grabbed the wooden sword beside the front door, then went inside to look for some cash to pay for the slingshot. After a few minutes of scavenging around I found 30 rupees in singles, then left to head back to the general store. Damn those stupid brats, they cost me my whole morning. So much for my day off. Ughh! I was so pissed. I had to blow off some steam.

The back window of the store was still busted from when I tossed the cat through it, so I grabbed onto some vines in a tree behind the store and swung down like fucking Tarzan and threw all 30 single rupees through the window as I whizzed past it.

"AAHH!" I heard Sera scream from inside as she was pelted by the dozens of rupees. Ha ha ha. That blew off enough steam to make me laugh at least.

Then I left town once again and climbed the ladder back up to my tree house.

"Hey Link, will you at least let us borrow the slingshot?" Talo called from the ground.

"No. Get lost." I snapped, then went inside and slammed the door.


	4. The Invasion

**CHAPTER FOUR - The Invasion**

So now I need to board up my windows. Why? Because those damn kids won't shut up about the stupid slingshot and have been following me around everywhere I go and standing outside my tree house windows begging me to teach them how to use it.

Please? Please? Please? Please? is all I've heard all fucking day, every fucking day, non fucking stop for a fucking week straight. I swear I am _this close _to killing them, bringing them back to life, killing them again, bringing them back to life, spanking them and killing them again.

For the past week, this has been my schedule:

I'd wake up, go downstairs, and eat breakfast. I always eat a bowl of cereal in the morning, by the way. You don't care? Well I don't care that you don't care, so shut the hell up. Now as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, every morning this past week I'd be sitting there eating cereal, and those brats would be standing outside the kitchen window behind me saying "Please?" in unison a million fucking times.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

Next I would go out to the ranch and herd the stupid goats because Fado sucks at his job. Seriously, he's got to be like the worst farmer that ever lived or something. So of course I have to do his job for him, and can you believe I only get paid 20 rupees a day for it? What a load of bullshit. I should at least be paid 50 rupees a day for doing this shit. Unbelievable! Anyway, I'd be herding the damn goats and those twerps would be riding on the backs of the goats as I was herding them.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

Then I would go back home and lounge around for the rest of the day. Later, I'd be in the kitchen eating dinner, and the kids would be outside the kitchen window again.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

Then I'd be downstairs in the living room reading a horror book, and the brats would be outside the living room window.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

Then later at night I'd be upstairs in my bed trying to go to sleep, but I wouldn't get any because the kids were, you guessed it, standing outside my bedroom window. I have no idea how the hell they were even able to get up that high, because I was on the freaking 3rd floor for crying out loud. What the hell! I would check the next morning how they managed to get up there, and it turns out that they stacked up a bunch of wooden boxes all the way up to my 3rd level bedroom window. Anyway, they would stand up there outside my bedroom window, all fucking night long.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

And the next day it would start all over again.

Now I'm to the point where I've had enough. Thankfully it's now Saturday, and I'm off on Saturdays, so I decided to go down to Sera's shop to get some plywood to board up my windows with. When I got back to my tree house with the plywood, I climbed up the ladder up to the front deck of my house and grabbed a hammer and some nails and began to board up the first window, however those god damn twerps followed me up the ladder and stood on the deck and continued begging as I boarded up each of my windows one by one.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

I finally managed to finish boarding up the last window, so I went back inside my tree house and slammed the door shut, and AT LAST had some peace and quiet. Or so I thought. To my misfortune, the kids had found a megaphone from god knows where and stood outside my house with it, all three of them shouting into it as loud as they could for the rest of the fucking weekend.

"Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

* * *

**A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORS:**

**We apologize for the delay on updating this story, as well as not having this chapter fully typed out. The reasons for our being slow may vary, however our main problem is writers block. We hate writers block with a passion, and hell what author doesn't?**

**Anyway, we've finally had a breakthrough for an idea and are already putting the rest of this chapter together. However, we have a rule for all of our stories - the more reviews we get, the faster we will upload (minus writers block of course, and whenever writers block is a problem again we will let our awesome readers know ;) so we don't leave them hanging).**

**We appreciate our readers' opinions, constructive criticism included, however flames are prohibited. No flames! If you leave flames we will find out where you live and send zombies to your house to eat your flesh while you sleep. :P Ha ha, nah we're just yankin' your chain, we wouldn't do that. We're not creeps. But still, we mean it - no flames. Don't be rude, k?**

**Anyhow****, tell us what you think so far and the rest of this chapter will be up soon!**

_**- Brett & Johnny :****P**_


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